Marriage – A Career in Itself!

When wealth becomes the foundation of marriage, disappointment is inevitable; but when trust, respect, affection, and contentment form its foundation, even modest means can create a truly rich and fulfilling life, says Priyabrat Biswal

THERE was a time when marriage was considered a lifelong commitment, founded on love, trust, adjustment, mutual respect and shared responsibilities. For traditional Indian middle-class families, wealth was never the only measure of a successful marriage. Their greatest assets were dignity, values, self-respect and the ability to stand by each other through life's uncertainties.

Sadly, the definition of marriage seems to be changing. Increasingly, it appears that marriage has become a career for the young generation! Just as one evaluates a career opportunity by its salary package, perks, growth prospects and future benefits, many seem to approach marriage with a similar mindset. What does this relationship offer me? How affluent is my partner? What lifestyle can I expect? Is there a better deal waiting elsewhere?

This morning, a phone call from an old school friend left me deeply disturbed. In his late fifties, he is a well-placed government employee, a genuinely caring and helpful person, and a proud father of two brilliant sons, both IIT graduates.

But today, his voice lacked its usual cheerfulness. When I enquired about his well-being, he initially said everything was fine. However, sensing something wrong, I persisted. He almost broke down.

His elder son, married for five years and blessed with an adorable little boy, had apparently been enduring mental agony since the beginning of his marriage. To the outside world, everything looked normal. But behind closed doors, the relationship was deteriorating. The son had silently suffered without confiding in anyone, not even his father. Perhaps he did not want to hurt his parents or make his father feel that his choice of a bride for him had been wrong.

He continued compromising, hoping things would improve. He tried convincing his wife to appreciate what they had and build a happy life together. But when expectations become limitless and contentment disappears, relationships gradually turn into battlegrounds. Finally, unable to bear the emotional burden any longer, he drove for over six hours to return to his parents.

His story made me wonder: Have we started treating marriage as an investment rather than a commitment?

This is certainly not an isolated experience. One increasingly comes across stories of marriages strained by extravagant demands, financial comparisons, lifestyle expectations and ego clashes. In some relationships, a husband's worth is judged by his salary, wealth and capacity to fulfil every material desire. A good income, a comfortable home and a respectable social standing are no longer enough; expectations keep rising.

Of course, the problem is not confined to women. Men, too, can be demanding, insensitive, controlling and emotionally abusive. The issue is a growing culture of entitlement, where personal gratification takes precedence over mutual responsibility.

The irony is that even educated, professionally successful and traditionally conservative middle-class families are witnessing such breakdowns. Families that once considered their dignity and self-respect their greatest inheritance are now struggling to preserve relationships against the pressures of materialism and changing aspirations.

Social media has further aggravated the situation. Constant exposure to luxurious lifestyles creates unrealistic expectations and endless comparisons. Instead of appreciating what they have, couples increasingly focus on what others possess. Consequently, the simple pleasures of companionship, sacrifice and growing together are being overshadowed by the desire for a better lifestyle and a more financially rewarding partner.

Let me clarify that divorce is not necessarily a failure. Where there is violence, abuse, humiliation or persistent cruelty, separation may be the only dignified option. Nobody should be compelled to endure an abusive relationship in the name of tradition. But there is a fundamental difference between walking away from abuse and abandoning a marriage simply because material expectations remain unfulfilled.

Marriage is not a corporate appointment. A husband is not an employer expected to provide an ever-increasing package, nor is a wife an employee whose performance is judged by her contribution to the household. Both are equal partners in a shared journey, with responsibilities, limitations and dreams of their own.

Perhaps today's young generation needs to rediscover the meaning of companionship. A successful marriage is not about finding the wealthiest partner or negotiating the best possible package. It is about finding someone with whom one can face life's challenges without constantly calculating personal gains.

A career may be changed for a better package, but should a marriage be treated the same way?

If wealth becomes the foundation of marriage, disappointment is inevitable. But when trust, respect, affection and contentment become its foundation, even modest means can create a remarkably rich life.

Let us not create a generation of people with impressive career profiles but impoverished relationships. After all, the real success of marriage is not measured by the size of the pay package, but by the happiness of the home.